the lovell crew

John & I have sort of always embraced the idea that less is more Even before kids, we tried to make it a priority to not overcommit ourselves (yes, I realize some of you are probably laughing at this!). We tried to make time for date night each week. It was tough.

After kids, it got tougher.

No longer afforded the luxury of just going out spontaneously, our time has become very scheduled. Life revolves around who’s working what day, when does the babysitter come, what time we get off work, what the weekend plans are, etc.

Back in December, John & I started to realize we were overcommitting. Between the holidays, work, church, appointments, therapies, family visits, etc., etc., etc., we had become overstressed, overtired, worried, worn out, whatever word you want to use. That  was us

Something had to change.

Several weeks, a lot of prayer & a little planning later, & behold! New scheduling at the Lovell house.

I must say, this has been one of the best things we’ve ever done for our family. No longer do John & I just trade off “shifts” with caring for the girls. We’ve actually coordinated our schedules so that we have time home. Together. As a family. And, thanks to an awesome sitter, we’ve been able to avoid using daycare which is a HUGE blessing. As an added bonus…John also gets to now attend our Friday PT/OT appointments so that he can be a part of what’s going on with Zoe’s therapies.

This past weekend was one of our first that we got to enjoy in this new arrangement. Our end-of-the week/weekend plans consisted of lots of playing outside, taking walks outside (Faith’s new favorite thing!), baking cookies, & even having a date night for momma & daddy

I have always been a believer that having solid family time together is crucial for our kids…I am realizing how crucial it is for me too

I guess it’s normal for every parent of more than one child to compare. Similarities vs. differences. Which child smiled sooner, sat up earlier, sleeps longer, etc. What else do you have to compare your child to besides your other child?

Lately I’ve been sort of down about the fact that it seems Faith did so many things earlier than what Zoe has done them. She was practically born with amazing head control. At the early age of 18 months, she could count to 10 and pick out objects & numbers in her picture books. Now, at 21 months, she knows the entire alphabet, can count to twenty, speaks in full sentences.

Crazy.

Since we brought Zoe home from the hospital, we’ve worked diligently with her. We brought in physical & developmental therapists by 6 weeks of age. I’ve kept a mental list of everything we need to work on-head control, trunk strength, visual tracking, feet stretching, etc. I’ve been gauging how successful my day was based on whether or not we accomplished everything on “the list,” including spending quality time with both girls, have dinner as a family, and getting some time with John before we crash into bed exhausted. On top of that, I’m back to work full-time in the midst of flu season (which also hit our household!), attempting to arrange child-care (we’re trying to avoid daycare right now), AND finalize everything for a waiver program the state offers that Zoe is eligible for based on her spina bifida diagnosis.

Crazy.

I’ve realized I am not superwoman.I can’t do everything myself and then some.  I’m also realizing that every child is different, and Zoe will hit all her milestones when SHE is ready, not when I’M ready. I also sometimes forget the fact that she did have two major surgeries right after birth. Surgeries that would probably put an adult out of commission for days or weeks, but that she breezed through. She’s doing & learning more every day, and watching her little personality develop is amazing. And to see the love Faith has for her sister already is priceless

I have been reminded by my community of spina bifida moms that raising a special needs child is a marathon, not a sprint. I think that’s pretty much the way life goes. And when Zoe applies for colleges, no one will ever ask her how old she was when she first rolled over, or sat up. Because that doesn’t matter in this race.

Today, one of those mom friends (whom I consider some of the smartest, greatest women I’ve ever known!) posted this blog post…it hit home since this is what we’ve been sort of dealing with lately….here’s the link if you have time to check it out!

http://themclellands.blogspot.com/

All throughout my pregnancy with Zoe, I had moms of children with spina bifida tell me that pregnancy was the worst part. That everything changes once your precious baby is here. Such a hard concept for me to grasp at the time, although I knew how much I loved Faith the minute she was born, so why should Zoe be any different?

One of the hardest things I think I’ve ever done is get through that pregnancy. To focus on my baby, not a diagnosis.

Not spina bifida.

I had to realize some things are completely out of my control, and that I need to come to terms with the phrase, “wait & see.”

Since Zoe’s birth, so  much has changed. Spina bifida is no longer the defining thing about Zoe. It is a part of her, but not who she is. She’s our daughter. Faith’s little sister. She loves to be held & has gotten pretty good at busting out of a swaddle wrap. She loves baths, staring at bright lights, and already hates having her diaper changed. She’s thrived despite two surgeries at such an early age.

And our family is stronger for having had her.

I think a lot of people dream of living the stereotypical American dream. Spouse, two kids, picture-perfect house, cushy job. No one ever dreams of the “alternative.”

I am learning no one lives the “dream.” Most days my house feels like a mess, my kids throw tantrums at the grocery store, my dog annoys our visitors. Often it feels like our schedule is overloaded with workdays, church responsibilities, doctors’ appointments, etc. Sometimes it’s weird for me to think my daughter has spina bifida, because otherwise she’s a typical baby.

So I’ve decided that my life, like probably most everyone else’s, can sometimes feel like a mess. Questions unanswered, days filled with chaos, so much “wait & see.” Not your stereotypical American dream.

But I love my beautiful mess. It’s exactly what I want & need. And I wouldn’t trade it or change it for anything in this world

When John & I were first married, we were told the first year of marriage was the most difficult. In some ways “they” were correct. After all, we did have to set some ground rules…

Spend money or save it? Toothpaste cap on or off? Toilet seat up or down?

But that first year was just the beginning. We had (& still do have) a lot of learning & growing to do.

In case you didn’t know, my hubby has a blog! Although I always think his posts are very insightful & full of wisdom, I liked his latest one so much I had to borrow part of it for my own.

Here’s a little excerpt from it about the latest goal in our marriage.

Keeping score.

A conversation begins with a spouse about recent activities, and the comparison process begins. They tell you something overly simple that they did today, you explain the project that took you half the day to complete. Seeing as they live a “far-easier-than-yours” lifestyle, you mention the task that you thought worthy of their endless free-time hours. Big surprise, disappointment. You make sure to note each activity that you accomplished that contributed to the family, especially those that were less enjoyable, noting sacrifice. By the end of it, one of you is saying those inevitable words that we’ve all thought of at one time or another…

I have to do everything!

Want to see how it ends? Click here!

The past several weeks I’ve felt more like this mom…

all while it seems I’m trying to be this mom…

It’s easy at times to get overwhelmed with life. So much has been going on in our lives lately, & it’s natural for me to jump into overdrive & take charge (again with the type A personality traits )

God has been very sweet to remind me lately that I don’t have to have everything under control at all times. That’s His job.

And I sure don’t want to put Him out of work

This particular verse has been very dear to me the past few weeks, so I thought I’d share it:

“This is what the Lord says, he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it & established it-

the Lord is his name: ‘Call to me & I will answer you & tell you great & unsearchable things

you do not know”  Jeremiah 33:2-3

So for now, today at least, I am resting on that promise. I don’t know everything. I can’t fix everything. But I know the one who formed the entire earth & who holds it all together. And He does know it all!

That means I can say goodbye to “Supermom!”

Having kids & being married to a youth pastor often means most of my Sundays/Wednesdays are tied up in childcare, which doesn’t lend itself well to being involved in small group bible studies, especially when my main alternative source of childcare (the grandparents!) are also involved in teaching/leading small groups on these same nights. It can become easy to feel drained-spiritually, emotionally, & physically.

With that said, I decided to start a study on my own. It’s been a long time since I’ve done one, but I couldn’t pass up this opportunity. This study fits perfectly into my busy, chaotic life:

This particular study is actually one that our MCC church staff recently started together. After hearing about it from my husband & after searching around for other Bible studies, I knew I had to take part in this one. It’s exactly where I’m at in my life.

Focusing on four primary issues we all deal with in life-time, relationships, money & God, this month-long study uses four key components to help evaluate your life & simplify it within a Godly perspective-clarity, movement, alignment, & focus. I am finding it to be both spiritually challenging as well as practical to my everyday life.

We all long for a “simple life.” To rid ourselves of chaos, busyness, stress,etc. To spend more quality time with our spouses, our kids, our God. To have more free time. To manage our finances well. To take time to give to others. To find time to serve.

But how do you do all these things well & feel as though you’re living your life to its fullest potential & being as effective as you can possibly be?

You have to simplify.

So that’s what I’m trying to do!

So, one of my New Years’ resolutions for 2010 was to save money by cooking more meals at home. I spent a day adding up how much money John & I spent on take-out food alone, & I was astounded!  I love to cook, and although I would never claim to be a great one, I do love to try out new recipes for dinner. So I decided to put my love for cooking to some good use.

Since we’ve kicked off 2010, I have kept true to my resolution. Yes, I have cooked dinner. Almost every. single. night. I can already tell a big difference in our bank account as well, and I am loving it!

My newfound way of saving money has motivated me to look for even more ways to cut back on unnecessary expenses, freeing up extra $$$ to save, give, or have fun with. Some of ideas we’re implementing in our household:

• Using cash only for eating out expenses
• Using coupons (I know, not a very creative idea, but one I’ve always ignored!)
• Cutting out unnecessary, expensive purchases
• Planning ahead (Being the type A personality I am, I love this one. John…not so much!)

What I need now….details & tips on how to make this plan realistic. So, I am curious about YOU & YOUR FAMILY!

What do you do to save $$$ ?

So, I’m only being honest & posting this because I figure one day I’ll look back and think it’s funny. Today was one of those days I’d like to forget. Here is a list, in no particular order, of the things that went wrong with this day:

-Spilled my fresh-from-the-tap Route 44 Diet Coke (my FAVORITE!) immediately after I bought it

-Faith fussed and thought her world was ending every time I was out of sight (this was ALL DAY!)

-Late for church because of discussing random illnesses with the church folks in the parking lot

-Naptime for Faith this afternoon….zilch

-Got lost on my way to the youth Christmas party

-Realized I have a CPR renewal at 8:00 am in the morning (haven’t reviewed AT ALL yet!)

-Faith decided she didn’t want to go to bed on time

-Spilled my bowl of Chocolate Mateys’ cereal in the kitchen on my freshly mopped floor

So there it is. My rant for the day. I’m over it. Or at least I will be after some good sleep tonight.

Ever had a day you’d like to forget…or at least do-over?