the lovell crew

Tonight was a first for our family.

Grocery shopping party of four.

Perhaps this picture can sum up our night for you …

Disaster. Epic fail. Whatever word you want to use to describe it, it’s probably fitting.

Normally, John & I do our grocery shopping on a night the girls go to visit Nana & Papaw, or I will go by myself. But with the busyness of our weekend including appointments, therapies, traveling, etc., it just wasn’t possible.

Time to go it alone. Or in a party of four, I suppose I should say.

I fully expected Zoe to be the cooperative one. She’s usually more content & relaxed as long as she’s got a full belly & a nap under her belt. I had a discussion with both girls before we left, that I expected them to be on their best behavior to let mommy & daddy get everything we needed at the store. Everything I expected was wrong.

We left with a diaper bag full of goldfish crackers, diapers, Dora DVDs, baby wipes, a hope & a prayer. We came back with a load of groceries, most of which we haphazardly threw into the cart in our efforts to get out before we got kicked out for disturbing the peace. Oh, and minus a few wipes, snacks, diapers & Zoe’s glasses’ case.

I think the Lord needed a good laugh tonight & he must’ve found it amusing to watch us attempt to steer an oversized buggy with a red race car attached to the front, a toddler inside the race car holding a sticker book & a bag of chocolate chip cookies while crying to “hold mommy’s hand,” & a 5 month old in the front letting everyone in Kroger know she’s got a good set of lungs.

I knocked over several displays trying to steer that darn race car cart. Whoever invented the thing sure didn’t test drive it first!

We ate dinner in the car, sitting in the parking lot of Wal-Mart because my youngest offspring decided to continue letting us know how displeased she was with the whole trip unless her belly was full to the max.

We sped out of there as quickly as possibly, vowing NEVER to make the mistake of a huge grocery trip with two kids that young ever again. We drove home singing Zoe to sleep with whatever songs we could think of…a mash-up of Baptist-hymnal-meets-nursery-rhyme sort of deal.

All by the light of my iPhone which Faith used to pop bubbles in a LED aquarium while occasionally putting in a plug for her favorite cartoon character Boots & asking for more “Dora Juice” (aka apple juice )

What a night. Whew!

March is a big (& crazy!) month here in the Lovell household. Lots of excitement…

Someone should’ve warned me about the terrible two’s. Seriously. It’s like just this month something  has completely taken over my sweet eldest child. Faith has gone from sweet spirited child to one who literally drops to the floor in full-blown tantrums in a matter of seconds. Add teething to that & you’ve got a bad combo. John & I have racked our brains trying to figure out what to do, are we doing something wrong, etc.

Here’s a sample conversation from tonight while I was preparing dinner…

Me: “Faith, we’re having mashed potatoes for dinner tonight….your favorite!”

Faith: “MASHED POTATOES…..AGHHHH!!” (Drops to the floor screaming for mashed potatoes).

After giving her some mashed potatoes in an effort to maintain peace until dinner was ready, she discovered the canned corn sitting on the countertop.

Faith: “Open corn, open corn….corn stuck! AGHHH!!! (More screaming & dropping to the floor in a dramatic display over corn).

So…if any of you more experienced parents out there have any tips to help us make through the next year & manage the tantrums, I’m totally open for suggestions at this point. Technically, she’s not even two yet! We’ve still got one month to go.

On another note, Zoe is having a big month also.

She got her first pair of glasses,  to which I must say, make her look even more cute…she’s a total smarty pants baby now if that even exists

Zoe will be fitted for her first little ankle splint next week at physical therapy. Her right foot turns in slightly at the ankle, so the splinting will help keep it neutral & after some time she won’t need it anymore. We will move to more firm little ankle braces called ankle-foot orthotics (AFO’s) at that point once she’s ready to start standing. For now, she’ll just wear her new splint at night.

Therapies are going well; we are really focusing on building upper body strength currently. She loves to sit up & look around, but isn’t so much a fan of tummy time. So…we’ve got lots of new objects to try & motivate her more on her belly like exercise balls. She’s also sitting up well in her high chair & is a HUGE fan of oatmeal now that we’ve started solids. I have a feeling she’s about to get a lot more chunky

My brother returns from Afganistan sometime this month He’s been deployed for a year now, and we are more than ready to have him home. The last time he saw Faith she was about nine months old, & he’s not met Zoe yet. The word from today is that he should be leaving there in the next couple days, so hopefully sometime in the next couple weeks we’ll be able to meet him at the airport for a big family reunion!

That’s it for now-short & sweet…the girls have finally stopped talking in their room & are asleep, so I have learned I must take advantage of the free time to catch up on much-needed sleep!

Good night

John & I have sort of always embraced the idea that less is more Even before kids, we tried to make it a priority to not overcommit ourselves (yes, I realize some of you are probably laughing at this!). We tried to make time for date night each week. It was tough.

After kids, it got tougher.

No longer afforded the luxury of just going out spontaneously, our time has become very scheduled. Life revolves around who’s working what day, when does the babysitter come, what time we get off work, what the weekend plans are, etc.

Back in December, John & I started to realize we were overcommitting. Between the holidays, work, church, appointments, therapies, family visits, etc., etc., etc., we had become overstressed, overtired, worried, worn out, whatever word you want to use. That  was us

Something had to change.

Several weeks, a lot of prayer & a little planning later, & behold! New scheduling at the Lovell house.

I must say, this has been one of the best things we’ve ever done for our family. No longer do John & I just trade off “shifts” with caring for the girls. We’ve actually coordinated our schedules so that we have time home. Together. As a family. And, thanks to an awesome sitter, we’ve been able to avoid using daycare which is a HUGE blessing. As an added bonus…John also gets to now attend our Friday PT/OT appointments so that he can be a part of what’s going on with Zoe’s therapies.

This past weekend was one of our first that we got to enjoy in this new arrangement. Our end-of-the week/weekend plans consisted of lots of playing outside, taking walks outside (Faith’s new favorite thing!), baking cookies, & even having a date night for momma & daddy

I have always been a believer that having solid family time together is crucial for our kids…I am realizing how crucial it is for me too

The past.

Sometimes it brings us a smile to think about it. Sometimes it haunts us.

This week, I was brought back to the past.

Back to the day. May 24.

That is the day I will never forget. The day everything as I knew it-life, love, fear, hope, joy, pain, etc., etc., etc., changed forever.

On that day, John & I were told we were expecting a baby girl, and that she would be born with spina bifida. And we were given three choices. Terminate, surgery after birth, or enroll in a research study currently being conducted called MOMs (Management of Myelomeningocele Study). We were given lots of options as to our baby’s prognosis, no answers, sick stomachs, & a CD in hand with information on the study. We went home to mourn, cry, pray, & process.

And then we began to prepare.

The choice we were faced with was whether or not to participate in this research study. It involved two groups-a prenatal surgery & a postnatal surgery group. The decision of which group we would participate in was not up to us, but a computer. We would have to fly to Philadelphia for an evaluation, and if it was determined we qualified to join the study we would be randomized to one group or another. If we randomized to the prenatal group, there would be no time to return home, & I would undergo general anesthesia the next day while neurosurgeons repaired the open area on Zoe’s back. Yes, this involved opening the uterus to access the baby, complete the surgery, and close everything back up again. We would have to remain in Philadelphia for the duration of the pregnancy & delivery. The majority of the prenatal babies were born premature, but we were told there was a 50% reduced risk that Zoe would need a shunt.

We had initially considered this as a serious option for us; Vanderbilt was participating in the study, and we felt we could make arrangements to live in Nashville for the rest of my pregnancy if we were chosen for prenatal surgery.

And so, the praying began.

We prayed for peace, for direction, for clarity. We were desperate for the Lord to make this decision for us, as it would disrupt not only our lives, but Faith’s life as well. She was 13 months old. I knew we had to get it right. I could not live my life with regret. I felt as though I were having to choose between my children. One who was still a baby herself & needed momma, and the other who was facing challenges from even before birth, and she needed momma too.

The decision, we felt, was made for us a few days later when I received a phone call that Vanderbilt was no longer participating in the MOMs study. If we wanted to still participate, it would be necessary for us to move to Philadelphia temporarily. Faith could not come with us. We knew that would not work. Not for just a 50% less chance of needing a shunt. We felt this was the Lord closing the door for us on this decision. We chose to move forward with having Zoe’s surgery after birth at Vanderbilt with one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. She would be born, have surgery, recover in NICU, go home & start the next phase of our journey.

THE END.

That was until this week, when the final results of the MOMs study were published. Perhaps you saw a segment on the news about the story. I was quite a bit distraught at the way spina bifida was portrayed in the media this week. As though kids who do not have fetal repair have no life. Words like devastating were used. Maybe that’s what ABC or NBC would see if they looked at my sweet Zoe. But I do not. I see a happy, content, chubby-cheeked four month old who is learning to laugh when she “flies” in the air, loves to be held, and has her own opinions when it comes to what she wants I do not see pity, or fear.

Yes, I see a child who will have to work harder than most to walk or run. Or maybe she will chose mobility in a different form. I don’t know & it doesn’t matter. Most importantly, I see a child that I pray grows up to realize each life is purposed by our creator, and nothing should be taken for granted.

I see a child that I pray one day stands before others to praise HIS name for the works completed in HER life.

I struggled with peace this week over our decision. What if we had pursued the study & been chosen for prenatal surgery? Would it have made a difference? The results did prove a decreased need for a shunt, and some improvement in mobility. But there is still no cure.

What if….what if….what if….

I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter. I made peace with our decision. God led our family tremendously during this time, and I refuse to doubt it again. Zoe is a rock-star and doing amazing.

I can’t be that person who lives life in the past. I have no regrets. There were no guarantees with either prenatal or postnatal surgery, and there still aren’t. The study was a great one that offers promise to tomorrow’s spina bifida babies as well as many other types of fetal surgeries. It truly is a medical breakthrough & made possible by amazing parents who were able to participate, many of whom have become some of my closest friends. I realized, though, I can’t live in the what-ifs of yesterday all the time. Because the honest truth is, our great God has created our child for today.

For such a time as this.

I guess it’s normal for every parent of more than one child to compare. Similarities vs. differences. Which child smiled sooner, sat up earlier, sleeps longer, etc. What else do you have to compare your child to besides your other child?

Lately I’ve been sort of down about the fact that it seems Faith did so many things earlier than what Zoe has done them. She was practically born with amazing head control. At the early age of 18 months, she could count to 10 and pick out objects & numbers in her picture books. Now, at 21 months, she knows the entire alphabet, can count to twenty, speaks in full sentences.

Crazy.

Since we brought Zoe home from the hospital, we’ve worked diligently with her. We brought in physical & developmental therapists by 6 weeks of age. I’ve kept a mental list of everything we need to work on-head control, trunk strength, visual tracking, feet stretching, etc. I’ve been gauging how successful my day was based on whether or not we accomplished everything on “the list,” including spending quality time with both girls, have dinner as a family, and getting some time with John before we crash into bed exhausted. On top of that, I’m back to work full-time in the midst of flu season (which also hit our household!), attempting to arrange child-care (we’re trying to avoid daycare right now), AND finalize everything for a waiver program the state offers that Zoe is eligible for based on her spina bifida diagnosis.

Crazy.

I’ve realized I am not superwoman.I can’t do everything myself and then some.  I’m also realizing that every child is different, and Zoe will hit all her milestones when SHE is ready, not when I’M ready. I also sometimes forget the fact that she did have two major surgeries right after birth. Surgeries that would probably put an adult out of commission for days or weeks, but that she breezed through. She’s doing & learning more every day, and watching her little personality develop is amazing. And to see the love Faith has for her sister already is priceless

I have been reminded by my community of spina bifida moms that raising a special needs child is a marathon, not a sprint. I think that’s pretty much the way life goes. And when Zoe applies for colleges, no one will ever ask her how old she was when she first rolled over, or sat up. Because that doesn’t matter in this race.

Today, one of those mom friends (whom I consider some of the smartest, greatest women I’ve ever known!) posted this blog post…it hit home since this is what we’ve been sort of dealing with lately….here’s the link if you have time to check it out!

http://themclellands.blogspot.com/

This year was probably one of my favorite Christmases. After this bittersweet year we’ve had, some of my most cherished memories from Christmas 2010 involve hanging around the house with my husband & precious babies, all snuggled in, with this amazing snowstorm we had.

I remember staying up late, wrapping gifts while John got the privilege of putting this fun mess together…(which eventually became a kitchen!)

I remember watching these kiddos on the couch at Mamaw’s house wondering when exactly did Faith grow to be a “big girl?”

Had a few meltdowns along the way…

I remember having lots of extra time to play with this sweet thing…(who kept scratching her face because her nails grow faster than you’d believe )

I remember sitting in the rocker on Christmas Eve, everyone else asleep, holding Zoe & looking out the window watching the snow fall silently in the streetlight, thanking our great God who used a totally unexpected turn of events this year to give us more blessings than we ever could’ve imagined.

My heart was very full this Christmas for my sweet family.

What a year!

It’s been a crazy month at the Lovells! Probably one of the busiest Christmas seasons I can remember. And I don’t really like that much; I like to enjoy  the season at a slow & steady pace. Here’s our month so far…

• Zoe is doing fantastic! She’s now over 10 pounds, smiling & becoming more interactive every day. Her newest feat is attempting to pull herself to sit up when she holds onto our fingers. We are getting physical/developmental therapy every week, & of course it becomes a daily thing also with the amount of playing we do at our house.
• Faith learns new things every day. At this point, I really have NO clue how much the kid knows. Just a couple days ago she was playing in the bathtub, & she began counting to ten in Spanish! We attribute her obsession with Dora the Explorer to this new skill. She’s almost mastered her ABC’s, & can count to twenty! Call me biased, but I think she’s a pretty talented 20 month old!
• John & I are starting to once again function like a well-oiled machine. We know exactly who does which girl’s bath, what time is bedtime, and we have learned to make a “game plan” to tackle the craziness that involves evenings with two small girls. Thankfully, Zoe has fallen right into routine along with Faith & we’re usually able to get them both to bed together. In the same room We usually end up with a little free time in the evenings, which means we get some time without babies. To breathe. Or more typically, sleep.
• Our newest adventure is tackling the long drive to eastern Kentucky to visit family in Pike County. We made it here without any major meltdowns thanks to Dora DVDs & lots of stops to fill up babies’ bellies. My hope is the trip back goes just as smoothly

That’s it for now. Even with all the chaos & craziness that is the Christmas season sometimes, I’m very mindful of just how much our family has to be thankful for this year. Our Lord has graciously blessed both our daughters this year & we continue to watch humbly & he slowly adds to our family’s story.

Merry Christmas from the Lovell family!

It’s been a big (and busy!) week! Zoe’s first Thanksgiving…although she slept through it and didn’t get to enjoy the yummy food . We’ve been busy preparing for Christmas at our house AND I finally convinced John to brave the Black Friday crowd and go see Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows for date night .

I have however, managed to somehow find a few extra moments to snap some photos of my favorite moments this week.

Faith checking out the Christmas tree (last year she was oblivious to the Christmas season!)

Of course, she just had to touch it!

Zoe ignores the tree this year, but she does notice the toys on her Baby Einstein gym…she even got to wear the Thanksgiving jumper Faith wore to her first Thanksgiving dinner. Still a little big (it’s a 6 month size!) but it did the trick

But that picture that steals my heart every time is of both my girls together. Since Zoe was born, Faith hadn’t had much opportunity to really hold Zoe yet. She is crazy about her, calls her “Zo-Zo,” loves to pet her head and bring her pacifiers. Zoe is growing & healed up nicely from surgery, so we decided it was time to let big sister take over. I absolutely love the look on Zoe’s face in this pic…

That’s our week in review…feeling especially thankful this week as I remember all the amazing things God continues to do in my life.

Monday was a big day for the Lovell family. We headed out bright & early to Nashville for our first ever Spina Bifida Clinic. I was feeling emotions on two opposite ends of the spectrum. On one hand I was excited to see what progress Zoe had made, have a chance to talk with her doctors & therapists, and learn the path we’d journey over the next few months.

On the other hand, I was afraid being blindsided again. Bad news. I’d been there once in May & I don’t want to return. I was afraid of hearing that Zoe needed another surgery. Something unexpected.

Clinic was amazing! As is pretty much anything at Vanderbilt. We started the morning off getting ultrasounds. Head ultrasound to check Zoe’s shunt; hip ultrasound to rule out hip dysplasia; renal ultrasound to make sure her kidneys were healthy & that we didn’t need to be cathing to prevent urinary reflux. Zoe did amazing-she slept through the majority of the ultrasounds & spent the remainder of her time sucking on a pacifier while staring at a toy aquarium with dying batteries.

Next was our actual visits with the doctors. We had good reports from neuro, orthopedics & urology. For now her shunt is working great, she doesn’t need any orthopedic surgeries, and her kidneys & bladder are healthy with no reflux. We were given lots of tips by Zoe’s dietician with advice for starting solids, adding vitamins, etc. Finally, we saw PT/OT who evaluated Zoe. She has great hip & leg function, we just need to continue doing stretches with her feet/ankles.

We’re also doing tons of tummy time with Zoe. She seems to tolerate it a little more than Faith did. Jungle gyms, bumbo seats & rattles have taken over our living room. Faith has even decided she likes to use the bumbo seat again

Thank you to all my blog readers for your prayers for Zoe’s clinic on Monday. I continually have to remind myself that even if news we receive isn’t what we want it to be, the Lord knows & loves our kids even more than we do. And it is still His story he is writing through their lives. Not mine.

I’m thankful for an uneventful, good clinic visit & Zoe’s great progress. We go back for another check-up in three months. I’m also thankful we were able to attend church last Sunday for the first time as a family of four. During worship, one of the songs we’ve sung for ages stuck out to me. I’ve heard these words a million times, but they hold a new meaning to me now.

This is what I hope comes from our family’s story…

“Not from sorrow, pain, or care,

freedom dare I claim.

This alone shall be my prayer.

Glorify thy name.”

As we are winding down 2010, I’ve been thinking back over this past year. What a crazy ride it’s been. I started thinking about all that our family has been through as I was trying to think about our Christmas card for the year. For some strange reason, creating our family Christmas card sort of put me in a contemplative mood. It’s weird I know, but somehow to me, our Christmas card sort of sums it all up. Trying to find that perfect picture, or that perfect verse…how on earth could I ever sum up this year?

I’ve decided to keep a running list of the things I’ve learned in 2010; things you can’t say in a card. I’m sure as the days go by I will be able to add MUCH more to this list. Here we go:

• God is good, all the time.
• Never underestimate the worth of grandparents living close by!
• Things could always be worse than they really are.
• One of life’s biggest blessings is a Godly spouse.
• Date nights are worth every penny!
• God shows himself in the strangest, most unexpected places in the times you need it most.
• Love for your child is a powerful emotion!
• Life really is out of my control (as much as my type A personality likes to think otherwise! )
• My mind is sometimes my worst enemy.
• Use every opportunity a babysitter is available!
• The internet can be a very scary thing.
• God is good, all the time (again )